Chapter 28: My heart Beats For you (A Weakness Called Love: Memoirs of an African Housemaid)



All the while I thought I knew pain. Turn out all the pain I knew were openers like starters to a meal. Today I had the main meal plus desert of pain. It was no doubt a rich full course of pain. The irony was that it was my parents who cause me this excruciating pain. Not Malama Ara'yta or all  those people I served. How can they be so unreasonable? Don't they know what its like to be in love. crying uncontrollably I was inconsolable. I did not cared whether I was making a fool of myself.  I was like a bereaved mourning my own death.  I wish they will understand. I don't have a plan B, Mudi is my grand plan, my plan A and B.
To top this all, my mother informed me that my father had already talked to Mudi. Mudi was not to come near me. Amidst my sobs, I let out a cry of pain. my mother and our spectators were taken aback. Asabe exclaimed
"It has happened! she had finally had her heart attack. Her young heart cannot take it anymore. May God have mercy on her young and fragile soul"  
Asabe started crying.
My mother quickly began to shake me vigorously, calling my name.
"Ladi! Ladi! Ladi" she screamed
I only let out a moan.
In the midst of all that, news had reached Shatu about what was going on. She hurried to  my house now. She came near me and pulled me up. I was still sighing and moaning as if I'm suffering from the throes of death. She pulled me to our room and just sat there and looked at me endlessly.
Shatu has always been a strong girl. But she was not good at expressing emotions. Many times she just keeps quite. She didn't had an easy life. One time she was taken to a faraway town named 'illorin' where she was forced to beg barefooted, she had to give all the alms she received to the woman who harbours them, the Alaja. A woman collects girls from villages and takes them to 'Illorin' to the Alaja. They all begged and gave her the proceeds. No one was allowed to wear shoes or scarf. The proceeds of the days business determine the ration of food they get. It was on that occasions that she was once raped
Shatu may be cold  but she was not a girl obsessed with men. She had never profess love to any man.  She never sought or pursues  any man. She is her own boss. She believes in herself. She was notmlike Rabi who go to town for manhunt.  After she was raped she vowed to never tell anyone about it. She later confided in me and I had held her secret ever since. Despite all  this,  Not once did she ever victimised herself. She is indeed strong.
I was getting tired of crying.
Shatu finally spoke and I was glad she did. Perchance she may say something that may stop or reduce my pain.
"Ladi, you don't have to do anything you are told. You never thought Mudi will like you but he did. I think everything is possible. You just don't have to give up. You just have to stay strong and stop this bratty behaviour. Crying will take you no where, trust me I know. If you want Mudi you should just  get him, no one will just hand him over to you, princess" shatu said
"Heeheee, hiiii hiii hhhiiiii but hiiii" I cried  again
"Ladi I don't speak cry, talk to me, use your words"  she said
"Will you please help me?" I managed to ask
"Of course, you have my undying support. Now get up. Wash your face. We need to find a way to talk to Mudi" she says with a smile.
" For the record, he is a sucker for weak and needy, you got to be that for now. He likes desperate too. Just be this broken about him in his presence and he will feel obligated to protect you. Trust me, I know Yaaya Mudi like the back of my palms."
She added.
I quickly sat down. Went out and washed my face. I fetched a cup of waster and drank the entire content. I was thirsty. Maybe I was dehydrated from all the crying. I spilled an ocean of tears that day. 
I was exhausted from all the energy I discharged.
The morning, I woke up with a new found hope. The hope Shatu gave me the last night. It is times like these that make me realise how precious Shatu is, how I am privileged to have u as a friend. I tried to not worry, to convince myself everything will be well, that my parents will finally accept Mudi.But I couldn’t help but worry. I was anxious. I bathed myself, I decided to look my best. If I have any chance of winning Mudi, I need to get him head over heels. I have to look as beautiful as its humanly possible. I wore my favourite beautiful clothes. They were peach and blue colour. They compliment my skin tone and pop out my eyes.  i had had them for a while. I had started to outgrow them the wrapper stops at my ankle, but they cling to my body perfectly, showing every curve I have, revealing the tiny cleavage I manage to have. They were perfect for the purpose.  No time to hate on my body, i will manage what i have for now.  I put a generous amount of brown powder all over my face. Put some kohl in my eyes, draw a beautiful line on my brows and put in some red shiny lipstick on my lips. I looked at my self on the tiny broken morrow we have and I liked what I saw. I opened my mother’s iron box, it was a gift given to her by my father when they were getting married. I took some of her oil perfume and robbed it all over me. I now fetched my Orange veil and put it over my shoulder. I wore a silky brown and pink head tie to top up. I looked like a super model, Hafsat cannot compete with my style. I put on my rubber slippers and sneaked out. Not that my mother can stop me, but I wasn’t ready for another drama. I know she will guess where I’m heading to, judging by how mesmerizing I look.
I was at Shatu’s residence in no time. I was contemplating whether to go in or just shout her name. I know everyone knew about my parents and I drama. They will be casting me weird glances. Then I saw Shatu’s mother, surprisingly she was pleased to see me.
come in Ladi, welcome. I must say you look beautiful today.”
I went in and she called Shatu. Shatu quickly grabbed her veil and tells her mother we will be going out. But her mother stopped us yet again, honestly I wasn’t surprised the woman can’t keep quite for even a second, she had to be in our business every time.
I whispered at Shatu ‘this is why I don’t like coming here
shut up or I will knock out your teeth” she whispered back
It may surprise you, but Shatu adores her mother.
This made me laugh.
Shatu’s mother began
you girls should be careful okay, take care of yourselves and your virtue. Ladi, I have heard what happened with your parents, I’m really sorry about it. Honestly, you did nothing wrong. I will, try and talk to your mother about it. If Mudi is your destiny nobody can stop it. If any body tries it they die and the wedding eventually happens. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Besides, sharing a husband with your cousin is lawful. It may be uncommon but society is evolving, people are getting wiser. Between you and me, you look better with Mudi than Hafsat, he won’t be able too keep his eyes off you today. Let me let you girls go” she smiled
My face soften immediately. Finally someone who understands. This woman is very wise and brilliant. I felt love for her immediately. I liked her before, but today at this very moment I love her. Now I understand why Shatu adores her.
thanks you very much. I appreciate it.” I said with a grin.
Allah Ya barku tare”  Shatu’s mother says again.
It was 2 in the afternoon, So we knew he will be at the market not his house. So we went to the market. I saw him, he was standing and talking with some guys. We made eye contact, but he looked away. My Heart sank, I did not know what else to do. My eyes scanned his fingers to see whether he still has our promise ring. It was missing. My heart stopped for a while, then it raced, beating rapidly and heavily, I couldn’t breath, I had to breath through my mouth. 
Shatu then said
wait here, please try to keep the tears at bay. Uhmm, maybe that’s not possible” looking worried and serious
okay, just try not to faint or die. Please, I beg you, “ she concluded.
She walked over to Mudi, with so much confidence and determination that I admired her ferocity. She said something and he excused himself from the group he was talking to. He followed Shatu. They stood for a while, talking as I watched in fear. Moments later he followed her to where I was. He passed by me, Shatu followed him and I did the same. We walked out of the village market to a secluded area
Then She said “ He is all yours, I will be in the market if you need me.”
She then looked at Mudi and says  “ to find someone who loves you unconditionally is truly a gift that should be cherished.”
With that she walked away, leaving me alone with my beloved.
There was an awkward silence. Then He spoke, no doubt to ease the tension.
you look beautiful, what is the occasion?
I feel my lips form into a smile as I carelessly let my veil loose, so it hung on one of my shoulder, leaving the rest of my body out. I pushed my chest out and bat my eyelashes as hard as I can. 
you are” I replied turning my face away from him, as I giggled.
well, I am  honoured” he says again.
We were once again silent.
where is the ring? Have you given up on us already? “ I asked heartbroken, tears rolling down my cheeks.
Your father warned me not to come near you, well He insulted me rather. He said he has started having issues with Hafsat’s father”
I hated hearing him call her name. I hate the way He said it, may be I’m paranoid but it sounded affectionate. I was hurt.
I’m sorry, but I love you “ He concluded.
“if you love me you wouldn’t consider giving up on me that easily, you will at least fight for us. Not just give up. I never know you for a quitter” I said half screaming at him.
“I’m really sorry, I care for you deeply. I just thought maybe...” he continues
“maybe what?” I cut him off
don’t you know my heart beats for you. I love you more than I can express, I don’t want to live in a world without you in my life. It doesn’t matter what everybody says, my heart wants you and only you. You thinks this isn’t hard for me too? Everyone in the village looks at me accusingly as if I am the villain, like I’m some sort of a wayward girl ” I said now sobbing.
I now realise I have soiled my face from all the crying. I wiped my tears and my hand was soiled with the red powder I wore, it even had traces of my kohl.  I did not want Mudi to se me looking like a water drenched sparsely haired ugly hen. My hands swiftly covered my embarrassing face.
Ladi? What’s wrong?” he asks
The way he says my name, the way it glides through his tongue, how softly it sounds yet manly. It could be a sin, for how can ones words be so hypnotising.
“I don’t want you to see my messy face” I replied.
come on, please open this beautiful face for me. You can never look ugly, you are too beautiful open this face my love. I will love you no matter what ” he begs
I reluctantly opened my face, he just looks at me, I try to cover again but he held my hand.
He said
you look perfect, I love you even more, you have to understand love is beyond makeup, I’m yours, just as you are mine
promise me you will not give up on us” I demanded
“I promise Ladi I won’t and I will protect you and stand by you. You have shown me love, now it’s my turn to love you even more, My Ladi, My love” he replies
just remember you are my heartbeat, my life is in your hands. Dont ever let it stop beating.”
I said now smiling while I explore his hands which were still holding mine after stopping me from closing my face again.
Suddenly life became beautiful again.
AUTHORS NOTE
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